schvetybetty

monday night:
lydia kept waking up. she finally slept in my bed, for about 2 hours, soundly, during which time, i dreamt that:
i was hanging out with the osbournes.  yes. it was not so weird.  yes, it was.
i tried to find my way out of the maze of suburbs on some wheeled vehicle that was more like moon-rover than car. i got lost on some trail, and saw in front of me a 20 foot long snake zip ahead through the weeds...i was afraid, but kept going, although to the far right side of the rutted path, away from it.
as i passed, i noticed that it had left it's skin behind.  i went back for it, and looked at it closely. then i ate it. all of it. and an egg-sack, too.  it was bitter, so bitter that i puked, twice. once in the ditch, the second time in a toilet clogged with pink toilet paper and piss.  i tasted the bitterness all day; that's what woke me up, the taste.  i tasted it all day.
last night, or sometime, i dreamt about falling into a hole in the porch of the SC cabin, except i was a black woman...i was standing beside myself, watching her/me fall into this creepy pit.  she didn't make any noise when she landed. i screamed and ran to the road and called for help. when they dragged her out, she had huge, shiny black spiders crawling over her face, over her whole body, with snakes, too.  someone, another black woman, yelled at me for letting her fall.  i asked her why she didn't make any noise, and she said she was too afraid to move with the snakes and spiders crawling all over her. she was unharmed when she emerged, and she wasn't mad at me.
i was shaking, but relieved.  i was also pissed that there was a jagged gaping hole in the porch, but i knew it was there before we went inside, in the dark.

i looked spiders and snakes up, they represent feminine creative energy;  symbols trying to get me to use them, or their power. 

fucking hell, i thought i was.  maybe little snakes and spiders of art are going to burst through my skin.  again...ok, then. here we
GO!

but i miss you, very much, and i'll have pictures of my final projects/processes and of ScorpioFest in about a week or so. all of this work is exciting me, perhaps the most best yet. there's a lot that must purge itself from my bones; i got a lot to scream about.  think: surgical glove apron, papier mache back brace, alien female form suspended inside cage large enough to walk through- suspended because this has been a large part of my life the last year since i decided to make my move.  maybe i see you sooner if i get stuck and/or can't stand the pain of  not seeing you all...maybe later if i get stuck and fucking flip my wig or some junk, flippin' duh!
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you, i keees you one hundred times on the eyelids
remember me to your families
bluebirds,
schvety